Match Reports – 3rd December 2022

London Wayfarers 0 – 2 Ladies 1s 


The Ladies 1s were in Kings House Sports ground this Saturday ready to take on London Wayfarers. A win was essential if we were to continue with our goal of reaching the top of the league. We kicked off the morning with a long run, as an attempt to warm up from the freezing cold conditions. After an energised warm-up, we set up waiting for the whistle pumped for the tough match ahead.

As the first whistle blew, we went out hard immediately putting pressure on London Wayfarers. Our attacking play up the pitch was strong, helped by the solid defence with some great distribution by Moz and Hazel. Runs up both the left and right-hand side lead to a number of chances early on. The constant pressure was kept on London Wayfarers until our first short corner, where Molly Hansen (after arriving late and just stepping on the pitch) cleanly slotted it into the corner of the goal. Although one goal up, tensions were high as the London Wayfarers quickly reacted to the counterattacks. Thankfully the defence held up well with Donna sweeping up any attempts from the wayfarers down the centre and Emma making some vital tackles in the D. Nearing the end of the half, Gabby made a clearance in our defensive D and shot it up the line to Richie who continued to carry the ball up the pitch. After sprinting up the pitch, Gabby received a cross into the D from the left and flung the ball straight into the backboard, past the goalie. Buzzing from the goal and exhilaration from being 2-0 up we continued with our attacks until the half-time whistle blew.

After a motivating team talk from David and Ben, we went out on the pitch hungry for more goals. The half started and both teams attacked and defended relentlessly. Despite numerous chances set up by Lauren and Laura’s runs up the line no attacks were converted into goals. Although a frustrating half, we played well continuing to defend any of wayfarers’ attempts to equalise. The energy remained until the final whistle, with Sylvie pushing the pressure higher from the back and Jackie making runs up the left. The match ended with a final score of 2-0. After a great result, we were all buzzing to see Old Cranleighan Ladies 1s top of the league, even if it was only as we were waiting for Barnes to submit their score…

MOM was given to Donna for her amazing distribution and link-up play throughout the game as well as her vital defending against the Wayfarers

DOD was given to Ellie for missing her alarm and oversleeping

Goal Scorers: Molly Hanson, Gabriella McErlain



Men’s 2nd XI 1-3 Spencer 3s
A cold winter’s morning in Thames Ditton, 15 good blokes and Tommy cooper turn up for the long-awaited top-of-the-table clash. With no Alex Don to lead the warm-up, we turn to one of the youngsters to get us hot and sweaty in preparation. The Tickler himself skipping us along to Saturday confession. Our captain takes one for the team, and drops himself to the bench, starting our best CB at LB, a stroke of genius? Not with Lawson back there.

It’s a fairly tense opening 20, with a lot on the line, what else do you expect? We win a well-worked short, the drag out goes awry and Dan Ladd is forced to hit from the top of the D. Spencer filled with ringers from the 1s attack with speed and finesse and knock one in the bottom corner 5 mins late, Franny somehow gives away a short, a scramble around the goal leads to a far post tap in.

The OCs come off at half-time tired and dejected, a half-time telling-off from Big Dave doesn’t go down well. The moral of the story,  don’t try and interrupt him. Laws takes it upon himself to do a second team talk, advising against all we have just heard. The OCs spend the next 35 mins bombarding their D, just like the RAF of old. A bold decision from captain fantastic, sees Ross (with his demotion from the good blokes XI) sit out the last 5 as we attack with 11 outfielders.

Rodders with those limbs, nicks one in the press and miss hits it bottom corner with 5 mins to go, game on!! Liam takes one from the team, with a tackle Owen Farrell would be proud of, he’s off for an early bath. Despite the dominance there’s no way through, and Spencer nick a 3rd with the last play of the game. Win, lose on the booze.

The night ends with a Messi masterclass, and Liam being dumped by phone for the second time in 2022. Can’t wait for the bar crawl.
Mom – Oli Clift
Dod – Liam Gardner
Champers I have no idea

Ladies 3rd XI 4-0 Teddington 5s
Captain’s forfeit for being late was ……..write the match report Connie L! It was too early and too cold to venture outside on a Saturday morning. My choices were: Bed… warm and cosy or outside which had a feel-factor or chill factor of a big fat ZERO. A few more minutes in bed turned to half an hour! Yep!….It wasn’t going well…. running late for the match when these darn shrunk super tight XL socks were not going over my shin pads! (anyone else having the same problem!)

Ladies 3s had a home game at TD Fortress against Teddington 5s, first game of the day. It was a slow start. We struggled to get going for the first 15 minutes then the goals came quickly. In no particular order…. Sophie scored twice in the first half. Bethan drove the ball into the D and crossed the ball to Sophie across the goal and scored. Second goal was from Jess and Sophie running up the sideline. Sophie hit the ball through the goalie’s legs! Goal smashed in by Mischa. This came from Erin passing the ball from the halfway line to Mischa who dribbled up and scored. Another goal came from a wide pass from Connie L at the back to Jess and onto Holly on the wing, who drove the ball down the line into the D and did a lifted sweep over the goalie’s stick into the goal.

The first half only saw 4 goals scored by the team and great saves from Michelle. OC dominated the game with lots of string passing moves orchestrated by Manny at the back. There were many opportunities at goal but just couldn’t getthe ball over the line. We made the second half very hard for ourselves because we lost our shape and played down the middle too much and not enough early passing. No goals were scored by both teams. Final score was 4-0 to OC which should have been 10-0 according to our captain, Michelle.

Another win and ranked third in our league table which was good enough. Go Ladies 3s!

POM: Jess Q

Spencer Masters  1-2 Old Cranleighan Stormers
“Can they do it in cold night in south west London?” Of coursethey can!!! A massive, possibly season defining win for the OCs, against a tough Spencer outfit , who were much improved from the side we beat in the season opener. The OCs started brightly , controlling possession and territory for the first 10 minutes without creating any clear cut chances. As the half wore on Spencer began to grow into the game and we endured a tough period where passes became speculative, composure waned and pressure mounted. However we defended stoutly and managed to get through to halftime 0-0. Thankfully our master tactician JJ () was on hand to offer some pearls of wisdom during the team talk , this was after Goalie admitted “ I have **** all clue about tactics” …
Rightly inspired, and with a spanking new left back to boot , the OCs rolled their sleeves up and got down to business. Cato and Rippers re-exerted their authority in midfield and began to dictate the game. The opening goal coming (I think ) from a well worked short corner early in the half, CB with the finish.
I do remember the second goal as it was a thing of beauty – awesome link up play between Stu and Cato , then from the new (old) left back Tong and Cato (again !- what a half he had by the way) cut Spencer to ribbons with JJ applying the cool finish.  2-0

It could have been 3 shortly after , if not for an absolute worldie save from from JJ’s fierce strike but alas the game was not out of sight.
Cue the inevitable retreat for the final 10 minutes as Spencer surged forward , desperately looking for a way back into the game. Their lifeline duly came with 8 minutes to go , which set up a frantic , messy finish (calm down Closely) where the only pressure release came from some Ash Bomb’s and great endeavour from our Irish midfield dynamo (I promise I thought you wanted to come off Gav!!). The relief was palpable when the final whistle came , a great win and a huge 3 points (6 if you count Goalie’s speeding fine on the way to the ground ) that puts us in a great position as the first half of the season reaches its conclusion.

MOM – J Heard
DOD – you total throbbing melts. Shame upon you all.
Good luck next weekend chaps

Ladies 4th XI 5-2 Surbiton 8th XI

As the Ladies 4s begrudgingly took their jumpers off to brave the cold winter afternoon, hopes for the match were nevertheless high.  The match started off with a bang, with Ailsa scoring a brilliant goal at only 2 minutes. We continued to get breaks through for shots on goal by passing high to the forwards, but unfortunately no avail for the next 20 minutes, when the opposition managed a sneaky goal after a good save from Evie. However, we bounced back quickly and scored a second goal at 27 minutes with Megan striking it in! Throughout the first half, we had many short corners, and before half time we managed to get a third goal in, with Bella scoring this time!

Newly invigorated, we started the second half. Very quickly, Paula had a brilliant goal into the top corner which gave us the boost we needed. With some more short corners, we managed to keep the ball in the D really well, resulting in Selma scoring from a pass to the P spot. As the game progressed, we tired a little but kept fighting, however unfortunately we conceded another goal at 59 minutes. Throughout the match, the defense and mids worked really hard to provide opportunities for the forwards to score. The player of the match was Poppy, with special mentions to Ailsa, Charlie, Gemma and Meg. Also a big thank you to Nicola for running the subs on the sideline!

Overall, with a final score of 5-2, everyone played really well despite the chilly weather!
Written by Selma Lee.

Men’s 4th XI 9 v 0 Merton 2s
An embarrassment of riches and Sams this week gave Tissy some hard choices to make as all the squads seemed to be bulging. As it happened Ed was sidelined by illness and we needed to provide a player to umpire meaning that we only had 13 to call on at any time. By the end of the game the Merton goal had bulged 9 times with none in response. A clean sheet at last. We welcomed back Sam Wilson from Derby along with Sam Carne from work travels and Emers from the 3s giving us our strongest squad of the season. By half time we were 4 up and had maximised the resources available.

Quite brilliant running off the ball by Ben Smythe front opened up the Merton defence on a number of occasions with Wils opening up the left channel for the long ball to reach and be capitalised on by Ben. When the ball was passed inside to Wils he proceeded to pick the ball up and smash it home nearly taking the keeper off his feet as he tried to stop the chest high shot.
As the half progressed Jake sniped 2 to continue his good goal scoring form and Ben added one too.

The second half was much the same as Jake popped in another 3 with both Knappy and Sam Clark each nudging home from close range to complete the scoring. Scarney had clearly had enough at 17.10 and departed after his usual very solid performance. Emers was a constant problem for Merton causing issues in the four different positions that he played. One game left v Teddington away next week although the weather forecast is not good for a 10.15 start. A win will see us in second at the break with Merton 1s doing us a favour by beating Surbiton Spartons. Merton are the form team and will doubtless have a say in 2023.

Thank you Closey for turning out to umpire the graveyard slot on a very cold Saturday night.

Hamstrings 1-0 Richmond Rogues
As the curtain on the first half of the league season is drawn that of the pantomime season in Chiswick and all over the UK are about to be raised. As he perfects his lines Buttons Burles is ready to extend his weekly acting career in front of the public rather than a judge. The emerging secret has prevented active hecklers from acquiring tickets. The pantomime season is already well under way in Qatar with the diving world cup in full flow with so many entrants that the BBC is thinking of dispensing with Strictly Come Dancing and replacing it with Diving, Strictly Cheating to freshen up Saturday night viewing. The pool of the professional divers is immense with a rumour that there will be same sex couples as Suarez teams up with our own Tom Daley wearing knitted jumpers in place of the usual glitter.

A cold northerly wind and a Sandown festive event blocking the roads leading from the A3 greeted us, a sign that early winter had arrived. After many behind the scenes discussions too place during the preceding 5 days, following advice from Jack Warner and Sepp Blatter as to how to fill a brown envelope and ensure a correct and universally accepted selection process took place, the squad for the game versus table propping Richmond was announced. 15 and a Bassett assembled in readiness to try and continue the sudden burst of league form over the previous 3 Saturdays.

See related image detailThankfully we rose to the challenge against a spirited and determined Richmond side intent on reversing the result of the first game of the season when we beat today’s opposition. Their initial tactic did pay off in playing in their maroon home strip making any distinction by those with colour blindness impossible. Andrew Eve soon made his extreme views apparent in a fit of bizarre chagrin as Richmond changed into white. I later explained to JJ why he was short of a few chips as the later teas were prepared.

We took the game to Richmond and should have been home and hosed by half time but another keeper earning his corn thwarted us on a number of occasions aided by some profligate finishing. Regular changes to refresh the line up were of little assistance and as the game proceeded we lost some of the initiative and Richmond grew into the game. A few new faces in their ranks had clearly bolstered the visitors.

The Howie Xmas tree formation was reinforced at half time even if the circulated blue print showed an upside tree onto which it would be tricky to hang any decorations. No presents were forthcoming from either side in the second half either. Our defence mopped up everything thrown at them, marshalled by the unflappable Crumbers, preventing any real drama for Craig to deal with ensuring we achieved our second clean sheet in succession. Mike N put in another man of the match performance as he dominated the midfield prodding us forward and being a thorn in Richmond’s side. Baz’s hamstring decided that it was time to pack up with 20 minutes to go and one of our goal threats was lost. As the last quarter started we upped the pace and pressure resulting in a number of short corners being won, the last being converted by Newts that gave us the crucial match winning goal.

We would have been very aggravated not to have claimed the 3 points due to our domination but win we did. Guildford lost to OKs meaning that we are 4th on 15 points with OKs in second with 18 and a better goal difference. Surbiton are clear leaders with their 100% record intact. Our first game back after the break is against OKs that will be a crucial game if we wish to challenge for second place.

Cup game next Sunday v Worthing at home 14.30.


Spencer Harlequins 1 – 1 Warriors 

The sun was shining, the waves lapped at the sand and a gentle breeze floated across the beach…. A real pity this was a video clip sent from our gaffer, wishing us luck from Cayman and nothing like the conditions at Spencer HC at 4.30pm on a winter Saturday. Thankfully, no shots of Ado in his thong, although rumours suggest he may make an appearance in the next Cayman tourism video.

While always keen to secure a win, with Barnes and Wimbledon at our heels on the table, we needed to secure points in our game against the Quins. As at end of day Friday, we had a squad of 16, by mid Saturday morning we were on 14, not the start we hoped for. However, with some welcome aid from Chris and Harry and a return from injury for Dazza, our set up was strong, despite being without our leader and part time swimwear model.

No chance of a tan with the Spencer lights, as we took the first few minutes of the game to adjust to the energy saving bulbs. Spencer started strong as we expected they would, contesting the ball at every opportunity and staying physical throughout. We struggled to get through the middle in the early stages, often taking the harder option, but looked much better playing it wide, favouring the right at first.

A pre existing injury sadly forced the incredibly handsome right back [insert beach themed modelling analogy here] off the pitch after about 10 minutes, and with that came a marked increase in the overall effectiveness of the team. Coincidence of course.

With both sides struggling to get into the D, and our ball retention erratic, several threatening runs by the oppo eventually culminated in their standout centre forward getting one away that ended up in the top corner. 0-1.

Now not wanting to take pleasure in anyone else’s misfortune, we weren’t exactly heartbroken to see said goal scorer limp off the pitch having over stretched on the strike and leaving himself only one good hamstring.

The ensuing battle up and down the pitch eventually saw Chris slot one home for us, following a sustained period of pressure on their defence. There was a brief glimpse of yellow during the second half, only to be disappointed that it was a card rather than additional lighting. The recipient of such card was at least quietly accepting of the decision….

A tense last quarter saw pressure from both sides, but alas we weren’t able to find a second goal and the end result stayed 1-1. However, always looking on the bright side of life/there was light at the end of the tunnel/the sun always shines on TV [insert any other light or sun related metaphors etc here], we were mildly exuberant to discover that Wimbledon and Barnes had drawn in their match against one another, meaning only a point for each and us staying at the top of the table.

Well played gents and looking forward to having Speedo… sorry, Ado back next week!