Match report – 23rd and 24th March 24

Men’s 1s 4 – 4 Sevenoaks 1s

Match report time:

It’s the Hope That Kills You: A Season’s Tale

In the annals of sporting history, there are few narratives as heart-wrenching as that of hope dashed against the rocks of reality. This season, for our intrepid Men’s 1st XI squad, that tale unfolded with cruel precision.

As the curtain drew on our campaign, the bitter taste of relegation lingered in the air like a spectre, haunting our every move. The journey began with promise and ambition, propelled by an electric start that seemed to foretell glory. But fate had other plans, as injuries to key players Seth and Batstone struck like thunderbolts, casting a shadow over our aspirations.

Yet, amidst the trials and tribulations, hope persisted. Even in the darkest hours, when the odds seemed insurmountable, the flicker of possibility remained. Our final showdown with Sevenoaks loomed large, a crucible upon which our destiny would be forged.

In the opening salvos of battle, it was our own towering colossus, Harry Lankfer, who struck first, not once but twice, sending shockwaves through the opposition ranks. Yet, Sevenoaks proved a resilient foe, clawing their way back into contention with steely determination.

As the halftime whistle blew, whispers of league assistance reached our ears, tantalising us with the prospect of salvation. But our resolve remained unshaken, focused solely on the task at hand.

In the crucible of the third quarter, heroics were born and dreams were shattered. The mercurial David Mawhinney seized the moment, igniting our hopes with a sublime finish, only to see them snatched away in the dying embers of the period.

In the final reckoning, it was a tale of valiant effort and agonising near-misses. Despite our weary legs and battered spirits, we fought on, refusing to yield to the relentless march of fate. A late equaliser from the indomitable Jack Jamieson injected fresh life into our cause, but alas, it was not to be.

As the final whistle echoed across the field of battle, we stood on the precipice of despair, our dreams slipping through our fingers like sand. In the cruel calculus of sport, hope had betrayed us, leaving us to ponder what might have been.

Yet, even in defeat, there is solace to be found. For in the crucible of adversity, character is forged, and from the ashes of disappointment, new beginnings emerge. As we reflect on the season that was, let us take heart in the knowledge that our journey is far from over. Though the road ahead may be fraught with challenges, we march onward with heads held high, buoyed by the belief that redemption awaits.

And so, as we bid farewell to this chapter in our story, let us remember that it is not the despair of defeat that defines us, but the courage to rise again in the face of adversity. Until next season, onwards and upwards, for the best is yet to come.

Beersy – 1s manager


Ladies 6’s  2-2  Teddington W6

Although a brisk afternoon after a quick warm up it was time to face Teddington W6 who we had previously lost to 4-5. Special thanks to Rae who was drafted in that morning and served brilliantly as an all-position sub bringing our total to 12 players raring to go.

In the first half the pressure was immediately on with such a young and nippy opposition but we persevered and earned the first goal of the game by Hildegard. After some great defending a goal was unfortunately knocked in from the post equalising the score for half time.

We came back with fantastic strength and Sophie scored a beautiful goal. There were also some brilliant runs by Izzy and offensively, we created numerous chances to attack and get forward but we weren’t able to get the ball in the back of the net. At this point in the game the clouds darkened and what started as sleet quickly transitioned to hail that blanketed the pitch in icy white. Play didn’t stop however and the defence definitely had a workout with a number of short corners where goalkeeper Freya deflected an eye-height hit and Frankie caught a ball on the line itself. Eventually Teddington did get a second goal around our defence resulting in a respectable draw.

All in all it was a nail-biting game with a result to be proud of.

Player of the match – Jess Murray
Goal scorers – Hildegard Davis and Sophie Anderson


Old Cranleighans 1 – 2 Southgate

The sun was shining and the pitch was looking immaculate, and as we arrived alongside the hallowed turf, we were treated to the sight of two things that have been sorely missed on a Barnies’ Saturday: (1) the silky skills and pace of Kingy tearing up the defence; and (2) Dougie’s smiley face. Unfortunately, it would take a remarkable turn of events to get this Kingy 2.0 in the Barnies team (we may have to wait another 27 years), but the future looks bright, nonetheless. Dougie was simply smiling because of his happy disposition.

We actually started pretty well, stroking the ball around nicely and playing mostly in their half, shifting the play quickly and getting some good action, especially down our right hand side. Unfortunately, on a rare foray into our half, one of their forwards managed to crab all the way down the baseline on the LHS, winning a dubious shortie in the process. In his enthusiasm to get there quickly, Dougie unfortunately broke the line and was unceremoniously sent back to the half way line…8 v 4. Turns out they didn’t need the numerical advantage though as the striker simply smashed his hit into the tippety-top of the backboard. Nice finish. 0-1

Some other stuff happened, and they won another (probably highly contentious) short corner. Again, the striker went for the big heave-ho, but missed. Fortunately for Southgate though, their injector had managed to slope in on the post to deflect the ball over the unfortunate, brave and fearless Dazzler’s head, sending the ball fizzing into the roof of the net. 0-2

We kept the subs rolling on as we suspected our younger and fresher legs would ultimately win out. It was a relief then to see Gracey bounding on to hassle and chase down the ball. Hmmm, that didn’t quite work out though. The #sniper from the stands hasn’t quite packed up his gun for Easter and saw our GG as the perfect fodder, leaving poor Gracey to hobble off, leaving him to wonder about the effect it’s going to have on his handicap.

We got a telling off at half time, which was pretty much deserved. We were honestly better than them, but we tried hard not to show it. Anyway, the team talk did the trick and we started to win a few shorties ourselves. The first of which was put away efficiently by Gerry with our only reliable (but super slow motion) routine. 1-2.

We were much better in the second half, getting more incisive, finally stringing some passes together and injecting some pace and intensity into the game. We showed some impressive fight in the face of off-the-ball challenges, with some very sharp, witty banter coming from our CB at the time (it turns out my Dad is bigger than his, after much debate). Unfortunately, we just didn’t create enough chances to get the 2-2 draw we (and the game) deserved.

MoM Tongy – spread the ball around nicely, kept us moving, which was enough to net out all of the rubbish aerials and still win him MoM

DoD Dazzler – for the handbags at dawn. Ed got away with this and is deep in match report overdraft…doesn’t say much for our Treasurer!

Honourable mention to Closey and CJ for umpiring. Great to see Closey on the pitch again and even better that he wasn’t taking any nonsense – it was with a wonderful yellow flourish that he despatched the whining Southgate guy…one of my personal highlights.

#wheresthematchreported, #mcclarengoaliekitissues, #handbags, #prisonrules, #incompleteaerials

Puricans  1 – 4   Spencer 

A scoreline that flattered us in a very one sided game.

The real positive was having Ravi back on the sideline watching the game and revisiting Oaken Lane for the first time since that dreadful day in February.

Along with the loss of the  game was the loss of being unable to finish second in the league. Disappointing but with two games to go we can still end Brom/Becks unbeaten season and finish third.

Greg did wonders to put out a team with so many absentees but with some cajoling and last minute persuasion we fielded a squad of 12 to face Spencer’s excellent squad of 16.

We did have the first two chances of the game but those were against the run of play and it was not long before we were one down and then two by half time. Any chance of an unlikely come back disappeared as a superb Spencer move saw them score their third followed by another end to end exchange of passes to net a fourth.

We did pull one back via Andrew Sanders, a mere consolation, 10 minutes from time but the result was never in doubt.

Brom/Becks after the Easter weekend before we round the season off with the rearranged game v Amersham on the 20th April.

Thank you Wade and Phil for umpiring our game straight after their previous match.

Goal. Andrew Sanders

MoM Mike Finnegan


Ladies 5s  0 – 3  Surbiton 9s 

A really early start for the 5s on Saturday but to be fair, also the shortest of away journeys across the road to Surbiton.
Caffeine fueled we started well and had a really great run of play putting Surbiton’s defense and goalie under pressure – so much pressure indeed that the ball crossed the line not 5 minutes in.  Yay! Only no whistle…. huh, well we’ll put it over the line again much more obviously.  Still no whistle though and no goal allowed.
Disheartening to say the least but we tightened our astro laces and went again and again.    But as seems to be the Surbiton way, they took advantage of a quick break and put away a slightly scruffy goal coming into the second phase of the half.   Back and forth we went for the rest of the half but no change to the score.
The second half continued in the same vein, we couldn’t quite get our rhythm and Surbiton seemed to get more into their stride.   They extended their lead with two really good goals, it has to be admitted, while ours went wide even though we managed to secure a good number of shorts.
Player of the match to Jenny R who was tenacious throughout.  Easter break now and we’ll be back raring (chocolate fueled this time perhaps) to secure victories in the remaining games.
Men’s Samurais  0 – 1  NPL 1s
We were pleased to welcome to the squad Louis Choi and Chris King, their first but not last game for us.  Also, well done to Jake Thompson who stepped up to help out Warriors!!

Following our successful recent form, expectations were high for this game, Team Stato Ian calculated that if we beat NPL, and Ashford on our final game we could finish mid table, not bad for our first season.

Unfortunately, we started off slowly and didn’t seem to have the pace and aggression that we have shown in the last few games. A full squad 16 players also meant players did not have time to settle in.  The few chances that we created the NPL keeper frustratingly saved them.

Half time talk was about more energy and doing the simple stuff, stop trying to push the ball through them as NPL were better at stopping the ball than the few teams we have played.  The second half was better but unfortunately NPL caught us on the break and scored the one and only goal of the match. Things seemed to get worse as we pressed hard to try and score a goal.  Owen’s aerial from the sidelines unfortunately went backwards over his head out of the grounds. The last 15 minutes Samurai went on to playing their normal high-speed passing game winning lots of short corners but unfortunately were not able to convert to a goal.

Final score Samurai 0 – NPL M1 1

MoM  Harrison Moxey

Finally, a massive Thank You to all our wonderful OCs umpires who have umpired for us this season.


OCs L4  5 – 0  Barnes L6

Our rematch against Barnes W6 at Oaken Lane. We had drawn our first game and so were keen to try and get a win.
The game started fast and we put the pressure on their defence straight away. Passing play was strong and there were some great runs from Ella, Colleen and Poppy. Charlotte S got our first goal of the half after a scrappy fight in the D. Charlotte S soon followed up with a second goal and then a huge hail storm swept in from nowhere, adding a bit of drama to the last 5 minutes of the half.
Half time and 2-0.
We came back out fighting and secured 3 more goals in the second half. Ella, Poppy each got their names on the score sheet, and as did Paula with a perfect strike from the top of the D. There were a few breaks from the opposition but these were quickly shut down by the back line. A great save from Michelle right at the end kept our clean sheet in tact.
A 5-0 win and a great team effort, with some really strong attacking play.
Ella was the very well deserved player of the match.
Two more games left and all to play for!

Report Written by Lizzie Ilett